what does your fear look like?
what does your fear look like?
It’s 7:21 pm and I’m sitting in my tiny apartment in Burbank looking out of my tiny kitchen window at Griffith Park. This studio was once exactly what I needed, a space so small it felt like a hug. That was almost three years ago, and now it feels like an elevator. It’s stifling.
Have you ever outgrown your space?
My home isn’t the only thing I feel I’m outgrowing. The career that I’ve spent the last ten years working on, which for the most part has brought me joy, hasn’t felt the same since last year.
It feels like a box that’s been checked.
It feels like I’ve been there and done that.
So, what now? I’ve never known the answer to that question. I’ve always guessed or pretended I had a plan only to find out the universe disagreed.
Right now, I’m knee-deep in To Be Magnetic’s 2024 Summer Challenge. For those of you that haven’t heard of TBM, it’s a manifestation program consisting of workshops to help you deal with your shit so you can get back to being your most authentic self. The summer challenge centers around identifying your biggest self-limiting belief (called a block) and working through it until it no longer stands in your way. Part of identifying your block is acknowledging the fear behind it and then materializing that fear. I’ve never thought of my fear as something tangible, but while working through the workshop I found myself face to face with it.
My fear wears a white dress, white shoes, and a white flower crown over a too-tight bun.
My fear is me at seven years old wearing what I wore when I was baptized. What? Turns out most of our issues stem from childhood trauma.
Afraid of commitment? Childhood trauma.
Scared of being seen? Childhood trauma.
Aversion to Brussels sprouts? Childhood traum- okay maybe not that one, but you get the picture.
Do you know what your fear looks like?
The summer challenge ends in a week or so, and I’m excited to see what kind of manifestations come out of this work. I will say that I’m looking for a job. Fingers crossed it’s in that area of my life. I’ve also been hearing whispers telling me to move. They’re faint, but I know better than to ignore that which whispers yes ✨so I’m slowly starting to throw away the things that no longer serve me. When the time comes for a new space, I’ll be ready.
Magic & Love Always,
B.